Lamentations 3:37-58; Hebrew 4:1-16; Romans 8:1-11

"Today, if you hear his voice, do not harden your hearts."

St. Benedict talks about "listening with the ear of our hearts" to God. I love this phrase. Just hearing it softens my edges. When I'm available to God I can feel my heart opening, turning toward God, and paying close · attention. Ahh...what a quiet and tender joy!

Just as I'm sweetly embraced in memories of deep and wonderful "listen­ings" with God, Hebrews gets my attention with "hardened heart" warnings. As is my wont, my knee jerk response is denial. "Not me!  I love my God! My heart is always open to Him!"

And Spirit asks, "But what about the people who rub you the wrong way- to whom you are unfailingly polite, but to whom you are also completely closed off?"

And Spirit asks, "But what about the beggars that you totally ignore as you walk by?"

And Spirit asks, "But what about those few chronic and noncompliant patients to whom you give fully competent but less than your usual top effort treatment?"

And the cock crowed three times.

My Lord and my God.....mercy, please! Here I am again - in my an­guish, redeemed, and brought to "falling down on my knees" gratitude. The beauty of my brokenness is that every time I get to live in it, God gets another chance to slip inside me a little deeper. How incredibly lucky can we get??? Even when I act out of my woundedness, God can use these as times to get closer to me. Keep sliding inside my cracks, God. Keep digging, please.

Here I am - Cathie of the sometimes open and loving heart, sometimes closed and hardened heart, yet always the beloved of God (Thank God!). I am awed by the blessedness of our shared journey. Safe travels, my friends.

Cathie Roy is an incredibly blessed, and sometimes recalcitrant, child of God. (who is also a mother, grandma, physical therapist, hospice lay chaplain, singer in choirs, and lover of animals - especially her 2 dogs!)